Forgot to put the song list in LOL also, I'll do photos another time. Ceebs
Homemade Dynamite - Lorde n that
Anh Se De Em Ra Di - Chau Khai Phong (going back to my viet roots lol)
I was scrolling through my IG feed today and realised that I barely posted pictures this year. Everything I did post was super meaningful though, imo, lol. Maybe this is just a part of growing up. Or maybe this is just because I didn't really have a lot of free time - compared to last year anyway. As most of you know, I started my Honours year this year and as of yesterday, I am officially done! woohoo!
Let's talk about Hons for a bit before I get to the much awaited photo blog lol. This year has literally been the most difficult intellectual year of my life. It was also arguably the most difficult year because of other reasons, but because I let go too easily of the past, this perception may be skewed. ANYWAY. I don't even know why the fuck I chose to do an Honours year because I never liked the idea of research, I didn't like the autonomy of the career and I didn't like being 'trapped' in a little room, ofc with other people, but ultimately with everyone doing their own thing - another reason why I could never survive an office job. But my perception of science was greatly changed in my time as a summer scholarship student there last year. Things are quite collaborative, and I was fortunate enough to choose such a lively and extroverted lab with such supportive members.
My supervisor was a hard ass. He's European and everything is like clockwork and is so precise. I would say something is 5 units and he would correct me in annoyance - it's 4.8 units. In all my presentations, I was interrogated about all things redox, whether it immediately related to my project or not. My work was nit picked, ripped apart and rebuilt. There were some days where I dreaded going into the lab. Heck, there was even a whole week where I actively avoided him because he was being a big meany lol :( but with these things being said, I have him to thank for being so hard on me this entire year. As many of people have told me, it's better to have your group members ridicule you than to be made a fool of in front of an examiner.
The 'intellectual conversations' we had during my berating actually turned out to be quite beneficial because I can tell you now, at least half the points we discussed in those sessions were brought up by examiners and because of those experiences, I was able to provide the best responses to my questions in my final talk yesterday.
I have loved all aspects of my Honours year. In hindsight I even came to appreciate the ridicule and the back lash and the 'you're not working hard enough's'. Another one of my supervisors, Gus, best guy, told me that he noticed I worked better when deadlines were near. To this I responded "diamonds are made under pressure" lol. But he said as a part of management, he's noticed how everyone in the lab works and 'motivates' them accordingly. I think my main supervisor knew this too and did so accordingly. Although, his execution of it was more harsh and there was never a debrief after a period of intense work where he said 'good work', or 'I did it to motivate you,' lol. Either way, I'm grateful that method worked for me and that I was able to produce the best work I could.
First class Honours or not, I am proud of my project and I am proud of my thesis and my presentations and everything. I think most importantly, I am proud of the person I have become this last year. Pre-honours I was very arrogant. I was very naive and tbh I was quite dumb lol. I don't want to say something corny like I was broken down and rebuilt or anything like that. I think that I was shown that I wasn't as 'good' as I was in my head. I learned how to learn again - in my undergrad, I would study the bare minimum and took a 'fake it til you make it' approach in front of my friends and my marks only just got me by. This year I took the time to understand the whole learning process. A machine does x function, but y,z,a,b,c,d variables help it to do so and if one thing goes wrong, you can't just give up and you can't just change methods - you need to take the time and sift through all the possible variables and troubleshoot and fix things and to be able to do this, you need to understand the entire process. I think that was the most valuable lesson I learnt this year. Also that C1V1=C2V2 LOL.
The scienctific process and the people in this lab have taught me how to think logically and this helped me so much with gamsat, with my writing and even with the way I approach life. I can't say that I've fallen in love with science and that it's now my passion and my dream. I have fallen in love with the scientific process, sure, and I want to use the transferable skills I've gained during this year and apply them to all aspects of my life. But what truly made this year so amazing was the people. I love my lab. I don't think any lab I join in the future will compare. I was so fortunate to be surrounded by such intelligent, compassionate, supportive and fun individuals. Every single one of them was there to answer my dumb questions and to put up with me. They not only answered my questions, but went above and beyond to explain the underlying concepts, to provide analogies and to even quiz me further to make sure I really understood what they were saying. They would check up on me when I looked down, hell, they would just check up on me in general to make sure I was on track. This meant the world to me because it showed me that they actually gave a shit about me and my education and my Honours year. I have nothing but respect and mountains of gratitude for every single person in my lab. I would not have had such an amazing experience if it weren't for them.
I have a great amount of respect for people in basic science research. In the future, I don't really want to become a clinician that looks at retrospective case studies on the prevalence of x,y or z in patients in the emergency department. When I do a PhD, I want to go back to these roots and find a novel pathway or a novel mechanism of cure or develop a diagnostic tool at the cellular level, because that's where it all starts, right? I love science and I love medicine. I hope that one day I can be reunited with these people as a clinician-scientist collaboration, or even as an intern/resident of some of the clinicians currently completing their PhD's. Like I said, I cannot express the amount of gratitude I have for everyone in my lab and at the Chang. Without them, this experience, and my experiences to come would not have been possible. Thank you.
I think I'm gonna start keeping a list of songs I'm currently really into at the bottom of each post. It'd be pretty g to see what kind of music I was listening to at different points in time, haha.
This month, songs that I'm low key getting over but really enjoyed the last few weeks:
Bad decisions - Ariana Grande
Silence - Marshmellow ft Khalid
There for you - Martin Garix, Troye Sivan
Me Rhuso - Danny Ocean
Felices los 4 - Maluma
Feels and Heatstroke - Calvin Harris
So I finished the final hurdle of what has the potential to be one of the biggest milestones in my life the other day. There was a lot of hype from my family and friends surrounding the event and it didn't really hit me that it was happening until I was just about to leave.
Sorry I'm being vague, I'll disclose more details when I can.
But going into it I was a mixture of emotions, happy, excited, nervous, kind of bummed, worried etc.
I was sitting alone at the airport thinking about how supportive my mum and sister have been, but I was kind of bummed that no one was there with me, to be quite honest. I then scrolled through facebook and one of those dumb buzzfeed videos popped up -the ones that show you a mix of letters like a find-a-word and tell you to remember the first word that you spot. You do this three times and you find out at the end that each word represents how you see yourself, how others see you etc.
ANYWAY, the first word I saw, the word that correlated with "how you view yourself" was lonely
. And it kind of affected me. Maybe it was the fact that I was running on 5 h sleep and that amplified these feels, but like, it was kind of a sucky feeling. It was just a dumb buzzfeed quiz, haha. I couldn't shake the feeling for a good 5-10 mins but then I started to realise that if I was genuinely serious about this step in my life, it would mean that I'd have to make a lot of sacrifices and that I would end up being alone. I came to terms with that fact on the plane ride, everyone grows up and moves on, but it was still a confronting thought.
The next two days were complete eye-openers. When I got to my destination I was swamped with calls from mum and Kent and messages from all my uni friends and my group. After the event, Jamie called me, then Sarah, then Jeremy, then mum and henry (lol, my neighbours 1 y.o. son) and carol messaged me and that's when I realised that I was never lonely. Sure I was physically alone, but I had all this support back at home, people who genuinely cared about how I went, people who wanted the best for me. That's when I felt truly blessed to have all these people in my life. I was never lonely and I don't think I ever will be.
I love them.
- I've been having bad dreams about hons recently where I don't finish my work and get any data :(
- Being workless and Dole-less is hard
- I don't like Taylor Swifts new song
- I found a book of little cartoon stories bop made for me in highschool, one of the things I hold deer
- If my house caught fire and I had to grab 5 things it would be that book and marias scrap book and some pix I have on my wall
- I haven't run since the city2surf
- Can't wait to go on a holiday
- I miss fishing
- might go and grab some urchins for Kaz soon
- i miss my friends
- i want a dog
- haha, my life is so boring now
How are y'all?
So Collin and I went and saw Tove Lo for the first time at The Metro on Wednesday night. I had an absolute blast! I've actually wanted to see her for so long so this was super spesh for me.
She had on this really baggy sports jacket that had the Kellogg's Cornflakes brand on it. I want it. LOL
I can't get over how good she was LOL.
Anyhow, we had watched her live performances on Ellen and stuff a few years ago and it was kind of cringy tbh. If y'all are interested, it's the vid of her performing Talking Body on Ellen and dancing around mannequins, lol.
Despite awkward dancing back then, I've always enjoyed her music. It's just like really relateable pop and I hate to be cliche or teen angsty or whatever, but her first album Queen of the Clouds really did help me get through a tough time in my life.
So one night earlier on in the year, Collin and I were singing Habits in the car on our way to ... somewhere. He then said that the next time she comes to Aus, he'd promise to go with me to see her. That was in February.
Now idk if many of you know Collin. But you know how you can have friends who have the best memory like, you'll ask them, 'Oh have we eaten at this restaurant before?' and they're like "Yeah, we were here 5 weeks ago on a Wednesday you were wearing a blue shirt and that white cap and you said this...." yeah well Collin is the complete opposite. He usually can't even remember what he had for dinner last night.
Anyway, we find out that Tove Lo is coming to Aus for Splendour in the Grass and she's doing a side show in Syd. So on the day the tickets come out, I message him and ask if he still wants to come along. He's like .... aw nah... I don't really care for her music tbh... and I was absolutely gutted. I told him about our promise and he said "Okay, look Jess...... I already got us tickets from the pre sale so don't buy it" LOL and I couldn't stop smiling the entire day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best friends <3 nbsp="" p="">
Can't believe he remembered tbh :)
Anyway, also another little memory. On the night he kept going on and on about how she flashes us her boobs and that he wanted to see her titties. Anyway, he then said something to the effect off "I love titties, I'm straight as fuck bro" and the girl standing in front us turned around and just burst out laughing LOL
Anyway, so we got a selfie with Tove Lo!!!!!!!
I just wanted to remember this great night. I love Collin so much. And I love Tove Lo wooh!!!!3>
So my laptop died and silly Jess didn't back up the recent photos. So there will be no more food pt 2 from europe :(
I'll try and put something together of food from elsewhere (maybe) haha